we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
