It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize