Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You are a genius and a whore.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
