I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize