we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
it's great music for shaving your balls
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Randomize
