For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
