y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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