imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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