Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
