This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
