i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
