Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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