just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
