Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
