It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Randomize
