Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
this just has baby written all over it
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
