some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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