If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
