Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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