The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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