is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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