Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize
