I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
