I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
