dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
operation harelip BJ is a go
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
