Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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