nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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