we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
