I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
