After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I love you.
Bad choice
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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