I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He told me they were just razor bumps!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
