I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
