wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
