Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Dignity is for republicans.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
