You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
