My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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