Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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