Soap is not a condiment
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
