Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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