Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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