he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
