We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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