Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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