and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
