My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
