I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
