An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
