I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
