if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
