I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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