the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My liver just had a heart attack.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Randomize