She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
