he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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