I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
