I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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