On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
