True but thats because hes a fetus.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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