I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize