whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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