who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I am one with the molecules
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
