Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
