Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
