So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
