Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
