I can't watch pbs sober anymore
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
