what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Randomize
