Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize