why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
