im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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