You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So vagazzling was a success
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
