I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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