My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
