Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
