dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
